September 12, 2001
Dear Osama Bin Laden, Yasser Arafat, and Saddam Hussein, et al.,
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to
an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there
are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time.
Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to
invite you to the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -
LITERALLY.
While we admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is, however, now
our turn at the plate.
By the way, we will be playing on your court now.
Batter up.
Sincerely,
The 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America
THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old
Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in
America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of
learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see
me.
I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners, my head is a little higher,
my
colors a little truer.
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am
saluted.
I am loved - I am revered.
I am respected - and I am
feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200
years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox. I was
there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest,
Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy, Guam.
Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam know me, I was there. I
led my
troops, I was dirty, battleworn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me
and I
was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I
have
helped set free. It does not hurt, for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of
my
country. And when it's by those whom I've served in battle - it hurts.
But I shall overcome -- for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted
frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon. I have borne silent
witness to all of America's finest hours. But my finest hours are yet to
come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded
comrades on
the battlefield, When I am flown at half-mast to honor my
soldier, or when
I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the
grave of their
fallen son or daughter, I am proud.
MY NAME IS OLD GLORY
LONG MAY I WAVE.
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN
LONG MAY I WAVE
PLEASE FORWARD MY MESSAGE TO ALL WHO STILL LOVE AND RESPECT ME, THAT
I MAY
FLY PROUDLY FOR ANOTHER TWO HUNDRED YEARS, IF THE LORD
TARRIES.
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